Just an Aimless Wander

heh, I've always had messed up emotions

Something to do with all the twisting of my mind, but it's been funny lately

On Saturday I went over to Matt's, didn't think anything of it but the other people their was his gf, and then mark and kat (mark's gf), so anyways the thing turned into basically a freakin couple thing

I've never really considered myself to be a jealous person, but I was

Just the concept of having someone their for you, just like a brother only much more

I have no intention of every really having a relationship such as this, I used too, but failure taught me that I simply don't have that ability, my mind is simply too odd, too unpredictable

I can behave for a time, but after an hour or so, I just lose it, it's not a concious decision but simply inability to focus, to remeber what I should do


I am jealous of Mark and Matt, jealous at the moment, jealous of them having something that I can't quite even gasp the concept of

I usually prefer to keep my blog unpersonal, but I just simply wander, I have no real companions, I refuse to open up, to tell anyone anything real

I prefer masks, the shadow, I would rather hide in the darkness, then to try and be in the light

I claim I take risks, and I do, but not the right sort, I'm a coward, I'm afraid that if I allow someone to truely know me, that then I would have something to lose, that relationship

and I hate losing.